Finding the Right Life Partner

The person, who is attracted to you because of your pretty face or nice body won’t be beside you forever. But, the person, who can see how beautiful your heart is, will never leave you!

~Anonymous

finding-right-life-partner-therapistOne of the hardest things to do in this life is to find the “right” life partner. Truth-be-told, it is quite easy to find “a” partner, but is that person really the “right” life partner for you? And, to complicate this task even more, when you first meet a potential mate, it’s almost impossible to determine if your interaction and/or attraction will eventually morph into something substantial, significant, and special. Your goal may be a lifelong partnership, while the person you have your eye on may be looking for something more causal. And, while some are happy living a carefree, unattached existence, most are really looking for that one true love – that person to grow old with and have a family with.

You know the white picket fence with a loving spouse, two adorable children, and a furry family pet, of course. And, although some people, especially the outgoing ones, have little-to-no trouble finding their life partners, others who are true introverts and shun public events may have a more difficult time in their quest for lifelong love. Thankfully, if you are not the “social” kind, there are other ways to find the “right” life partner for you – hint, hint, Match.com, Christian Mingle, Plenty of Fish (POF), etc. So, even the most extreme introverts can still find love and happiness with the “right” partner. Yay! In fact, there are so many ways to find your soulmate. How? Well, it’s your lucky day because I have some suggestions that will put you on the path to everlasting love. Are you ready?

Listed below are some fabulous ways to meet and fall in love with the right partner for you:

Go Out!

You knew it was coming. If you aren’t an extreme introvert, but just dread getting dressed up and chatting with others, then make yourself get out. Truthfully, most of us aren’t thrilled about leaving the house once we get home from work, but you aren’t going to meet the “right” partner if you don’t socialize. In other words, you have to mingle and/or network in order to meet the person you are destined to spend your very long life with. Let’s face it, he or she is not going to magically appear in your living room. Sorry.

And, although you’d probably rather “veg out” in your pajamas eating Cheese-its, and watching Netflix, you are going to have to make an effort – an earnest effort that may include forcing yourself to call a friend or two or three and asking them to dinner, shopping, a sporting event, concert, party, work event, workshop, seminar, club, etc. You get my drift? Oh, and when selecting a place go, make sure it’s a lively place with other adult singles (in your preference age group) who share your common interests.

In other words, if you don’t like to read, don’t go to a book-signing event looking for the “right” partner. Another thing – try to have some fun while you are out with friends, co-workers, or even family members (in the same age group). Put the sourpuss attitude away and try to enjoy yourself. And, if you simply can’t muster up genuine excitement then fake it until you can.

Join a Dating Site

Oh no, not me! Yes – you! Even though joining a dating site may seem cheesy or fake (i.e. MTV’s hit show “Catfish”), not everyone on these sites is looking to deceive others. In fact, most people on dating sites are looking for love just like you. So, who is to say that someone on one of these sites isn’t looking for YOU? Why would someone join a dating site instead of going out and meeting people the old-fashioned way? Well, it’s simple; they are introverts, too busy with work and/or other responsibilities, looking for more than just a “hot” partner, and/or simply looking for Mr. or Miss Right. No, they are all not losers, unattractive, stalkerish, insecure, etc. In fact, most of them are highly successful people, who just want to find the person they are meant to be with. Now does that sound so bad?

When you meet someone online, you get to know them (personality-wise) before you fall in love with their physical appearance. And, although there are some “catfishes” when you date online, there are also “catfishes” when you meet in person – people can lie about their name, occupation, and even marital status with you standing right in front of them. So, take a risk, but be cautious and see if the “right” life partner is waiting for you in cyberspace. Top online dating sites: Match.com, Zoosk, eHarmony, Christian Mingle, Plenty of Fish (POF), Tinder, and Ok Cupid. It only takes a few minutes to join, but costs and features vary, so research the sites to see which one(s) best fit your budget and what you are looking for in a mate or relationship.

Figure Out What You Want

In other words, figure out before you start looking for the “right” life partner what you really want and need from a mate. If you don’t know what you want, you are a risk of getting the “wrong” life partner. So, before your start this quest, make sure you have a good idea of what and who will make you happy. Remember, no one is perfect so pick your battles wisely. In other words, don’t set your expectations higher for your potential life partner than you set for yourself. For example, don’t drink like a fish and expect your potential life partner to drink less. Or, don’t require that your potential mate not pull out his or her cellphone when he or she is with you, and then turn around a pull yours out when you are together.

Be fair, and do not lead anyone on. If you get a “bad” vibe early into the date or online communications, then do not hold on to that person because you do not want to be alone. It’s not fair to you or the other person. And, lastly make a list of “deal breakers” (no more than 5 or 6) and what you would prefer in a mate or relationship, but do not have to have, and then if you meet someone that has most, but not all of the characteristics you want and none of the “deal breakers,” then give him or her a chance. You may be pleasantly surprised! Checklist example: I want someone who is taller than me, has a good job, doesn’t do drugs, goes to church every Sunday, isn’t violent, does not curse, respects his or her mother, loves dogs, wants to get married one day, and wants children.

Stay Positive & Open Your Heart

In order to meet the “right” life partner, you are going to need to remain positive and open your heart to new people and experiences. No one wants to be around someone who is always negative – that includes your potential life partner. So, turn that frown upside down and smile. In other words, make lemonade out of lemons. When on dates don’t dwell on every person, who has mislead you or treated you bad. Don’t complain about all of your failed relationships, and/or wallow in self-pity. Nope, focus on the good things in your life. What makes you happy? What makes you feel thankful and blessed? What are your accomplishments – the things you are most proud of? Positivity is infectious and it’s also very attractive. It conveys self-confidence, which is always a good thing. And, lastly make sure you enter into this arena with an open heart. You can’t meet your “right” life partner, if you are hung up on an ex or if you are too picky. You also cannot give your all to this journey, if you don’t have time for someone else. So, go forth my friend, and find the “right” partner for you!

References:

Derhally, L. A. (2015). 10 tips for choosing the right partner. Huffington Post. Retrieved from http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lena-aburdene-derhally/choosing-right-partner_b_7688382.html

Kaufman, C. (2013). Why finding a life partner isn’t that simple. Psychology Today. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/psychology-writers/201304/why-finding-life-partner-isn-t-simple

Pinterest. (2015). Life partner quotes. Retrieved from https://www.pinterest.com/odessalorraine/life-partner/