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Relationship Advice

/Relationship Advice

Healthy Relationship Breakup

Hello, my name is Sevin Philips. I’m here to talk about breaking up – a difficult topic. Many of us find it to be one of the most painful things we’ll ever go through in our life. Either we have to let go of somebody that we love because it’s the right thing to do, or we’re being left by somebody else and we don’t want the relationship to be over. In both cases, it could be difficult in very different ways.

I’m going to give you some information and advice from the wealth of experience that I have around this subject. Not that it will take any pain away, but it will hopefully be a guide for you to take care of yourself and how to make a healthy decision.

Everyone gets to decide what is essential for you in a relationship. It could be “I need to feel safe,” “I need to feel love and passion,” “I need to be attracted or sexually attracted to my partner,” “I need to be friends,” “We need to be compatible maybe in a certain way.” There could be a million other reasons but everyone has to in their own lifetime figure out what it is that’s essential for you and be guided by that, because many people stay and return to unhealthy relationships when their essential needs are not being met.

The first thing, especially in couples counseling, I always explore and exhaust all options. Have you thoroughly explored this? Are you really clear that this is essential for you? Have you tried to get your needs met with your partner? If you have thoroughly explored these options and they have not given you what you really need, you need to end the relationship.

On the other hand, if you’re the one that’s being left, you don’t want somebody in your life who doesn’t want to be with you. It is unloving and unkind to yourself to be in the relationship no matter how much it hurts. Truly letting somebody go that doesn’t want to be with you is a very courageous act and very important for you to do because you deserve to have somebody that takes care of you, that worships you, and loves you completely.
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By | January 22nd, 2014|Relationship Advice|Comments Off on Healthy Relationship Breakup

Writing a letter when you have something difficult to say

Sometimes people find themselves in a situation in relationships where it’s very difficult to talk to somebody else. Maybe you don’t feel safe. Maybe it’s the kind of conversation that ends up in a fight, and perhaps you’re really scared. Sometimes writing a letter is a better way to open the door to an in-person conversation.

Video Transcript
This is Sevin Philips. Sometimes people find themselves in a situation in relationships where it’s very difficult to talk to somebody else. Maybe you don’t feel safe. Maybe it’s the kind of conversation that ends up in a fight, and perhaps you’re really scared. Sometimes writing a letter is a better way to open the door to an in-person conversation.

I’m going to teach you the structure that I use to write these kinds of letters for the best outcome possible. This could be to a friend; it could be to a family member; it could be to a lover. It’s used when you want to get really clear about what is going on for you and your experience and share it with somebody else and have them truly understand you.
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By | January 22nd, 2014|Relationship Advice|Comments Off on Writing a letter when you have something difficult to say

Curse of a Sexless Marriage

I’m here to talk about long-term relationships and marriages when the sex life either disappears or is changed drastically, and one or both people are unhappy. It is so common, I think most of you would be surprised. People come into couples counseling and talk about it all the time. It’s natural; life is complex, our sexuality is a complex thing, and when you’ve been with somebody for a long time, life events happen, things change that get in the way. Here is some of the main ones that I find:

The first thing is that if you’re resentful, you’re bickering and you’re fighting often, this gets in the way of sex. You have to understand that. There’s a difference for most of us, we cannot push through; we need to feel we care about our partner and we like our partner in order to feel sexual. It is important for most people. If this is you, you really need to work on your communication, you need to get some help – if you need it – with your resentment, and you need to work that out with your partner for your sexuality to improve.
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By | January 17th, 2014|Relationship Advice, Sex|Comments Off on Curse of a Sexless Marriage

Early Relationship Deal Breakers

Video Transcript
Hello, my name is Sevin Philips. I’m here to talk about early relationship deal breakers. I think it’s a trap that most of us fall into when we find somebody we really like, we don’t want to examine whether or not they’re a healthy person to be with, because if we do, we might […]

By | January 10th, 2014|Dating, Relationship Advice|Comments Off on Early Relationship Deal Breakers

Making Friends as an Adult

Maintaining close friendships is an important part of life, no matter what stage you are in. As children we make friends almost instantaneously and with everyone around us. That uninhibited drive to meet our peers often wanes as we get older and life gets busier.

While children are free to devote their weekends and summers to play dates, adults have more pressing matters – work, spouses, kids, pets, aging parents, and a seemingly endless array of tasks to complete. Often, maintaining friendships does not top our list of priorities, and untended relationships fall by the wayside.
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By | November 20th, 2013|Friendship, Relationship Advice|Comments Off on Making Friends as an Adult

Relationships: the pursuer and distancer

Learn about the push-pull effect of the pursuer and distancer and some instruction on how to change for the better.

Video Transcription

Hi, it’s Sevin Philips. I’m here to talk about a relationship dynamic between the distancer and pursuer. Most people fall somewhere in between where you want to see your partner sometimes and you want to […]

By | November 20th, 2013|Codependency, Relationship Advice, Romantic Relationships|Comments Off on Relationships: the pursuer and distancer

Codependency Redefined

There are many definitions used to talk about codependency today. In the past, the word codependency was overused, becoming a definition for a person who is weak, passive, and needy in relationships. To the contrary codependent behavior is an attempt to manage your environment and relationships in order to feel safe and in control. Codependency […]

By | November 20th, 2013|Codependency, Relationship Advice|Comments Off on Codependency Redefined

How to Develop Close and Meaningful Relationships

Hello, my name is Sevin Philips. I’m here to talk about developing close relationships. It’s one of those things that a lot of us struggle with. We want to have deep and meaningful relationships. Some of us don’t have many deep relationships in our lives, so we long to feel more close and more connected.

Some […]

By | June 10th, 2013|Relationship Advice|Comments Off on How to Develop Close and Meaningful Relationships

Undefended Communication in Relationships

Communication where no one needs to be defensive or to be made wrong. Learn the skills for a healthy relationship. […]

By | April 19th, 2013|Advice, Relationship Advice|Comments Off on Undefended Communication in Relationships

The Openness Principle in Healthy Relationships

I’m here to talk about the fundamental principles that are in healthy relationships. It’s important for us to take a step back and look at the bigger picture of what really allows us to thrive in a relationship and what really puts us off on the other path of not doing well and not being happy together.

Video Transcript

The Openness Principle in Healthy Relationships

Hello, my name is Sevin Philips. I’m here to talk about the fundamental principles that are in healthy relationships. It’s important for us to take a step back and look at the bigger picture of what really allows us to thrive in a relationship and what really puts us off on the other path of not doing well and not being happy together.

The general principle that I notice is a general principle of openness, adaptability, changeability, being flexible with each other even when things are difficult in a relationship, that allowance – that kind of communication – really allows couples to change, to move, to adapt, to handle things and really to learn how to love and trust each other. Having that room in a relationship allows for really big lives. When you have a partnership where each person has a big life and you also have an amazing relationship, everyone is for the better.

On the other hand, some of us struggle with trust, insecurity. These things are very difficult and it drives us to behave in ways that are clingy, needy, possessive, controlling – ideas in which sometimes we want to close the relationship down and keep it from being bigger. Maybe we limit our friendships or the times that we have with other things outside the relationship. These typically don’t go so well for those couples.
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By | March 15th, 2013|Dating, Personal Growth, Relationship Advice, Romantic Relationships, Sex|Comments Off on The Openness Principle in Healthy Relationships