Hello, my name is Sevin Philips. I’m here to talk about breaking up – a difficult topic. Many of us find it to be one of the most painful things we’ll ever go through in our life. Either we have to let go of somebody that we love because it’s the right thing to do, or we’re being left by somebody else and we don’t want the relationship to be over. In both cases, it could be difficult in very different ways.
I’m going to give you some information and advice from the wealth of experience that I have around this subject. Not that it will take any pain away, but it will hopefully be a guide for you to take care of yourself and how to make a healthy decision.
Everyone gets to decide what is essential for you in a relationship. It could be “I need to feel safe,” “I need to feel love and passion,” “I need to be attracted or sexually attracted to my partner,” “I need to be friends,” “We need to be compatible maybe in a certain way.” There could be a million other reasons but everyone has to in their own lifetime figure out what it is that’s essential for you and be guided by that, because many people stay and return to unhealthy relationships when their essential needs are not being met.
The first thing, especially in couples counseling, I always explore and exhaust all options. Have you thoroughly explored this? Are you really clear that this is essential for you? Have you tried to get your needs met with your partner? If you have thoroughly explored these options and they have not given you what you really need, you need to end the relationship.
On the other hand, if you’re the one that’s being left, you don’t want somebody in your life who doesn’t want to be with you. It is unloving and unkind to yourself to be in the relationship no matter how much it hurts. Truly letting somebody go that doesn’t want to be with you is a very courageous act and very important for you to do because you deserve to have somebody that takes care of you, that worships you, and loves you completely.