This Is A Custom Widget

This Sliding Bar can be switched on or off in theme options, and can take any widget you throw at it or even fill it with your custom HTML Code. Its perfect for grabbing the attention of your viewers. Choose between 1, 2, 3 or 4 columns, set the background color, widget divider color, activate transparency, a top border or fully disable it on desktop and mobile.

This Is A Custom Widget

This Sliding Bar can be switched on or off in theme options, and can take any widget you throw at it or even fill it with your custom HTML Code. Its perfect for grabbing the attention of your viewers. Choose between 1, 2, 3 or 4 columns, set the background color, widget divider color, activate transparency, a top border or fully disable it on desktop and mobile.

Advice Videos

/Advice Videos/

Undefended Communication in Relationships

Communication where no one needs to be defensive or to be made wrong. Learn the skills for a healthy relationship. […]

By | April 19th, 2013|Advice, Relationship Advice|Comments Off on Undefended Communication in Relationships

8 Principles for Creating a Healthy Relationship – Full Version

By Sevin Philips, MFT

1. Respect is more important than love
2. Checking in about the Relationship
3. Not taking each other for granted
4. Protecting quality time
5. Letting go of the small stuff
6. Making amends, owning your behavior
7. Working on your sex life
8. Actively create a future together

Video Transcription

Hello, my name is Sevin Philips. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist and I’ve been working with couples for many years. During this time, I have found 8 key principles that really help in creating a healthy, long-lasting relationship.

If you’re dating or you’re new in a relationship, these principles are excellent for developing a foundation for the relationship you want.

And if you’ve been in a relationship for a while, even if you’re having challenges in that relationship, these are the principles to practice together to make it better.

The first principle is respect is more important than love. We all know that love is one of the most powerful forces in the universe. It’s the thing that drew us together in the beginning. But what happens over time is if we’re disrespectful – we’re bickering, we’re defensive, we cut each other off, we start name calling, whatever the disrespect is – we erode our love over time.
[…]

By | March 7th, 2012|Relationship Advice|3 Comments

7 Unhealthy Relationship Patterns to Avoid

East Bay, Berkeley Relationship Counseling Center (Couples Counseling Therapy)

Do you keep ending up with people who are not good for you? Yes, it’s true the person you are picking is behaving poorly.  Since we cannot change someone else’s behavior, we must examine our own patterns in picking the wrong person. In doing this, we can begin to conceptualize healthy relationships and hold that as our new standard.

Unhealthy Relationships:

  1. We mistake love for physical attraction, neediness and the need to rescue or be rescued. (Examine how your desperation effects your perception)
  2. We choose emotionally and physically unavailable people in relationships. (Examine your fear of intimacy)
  3. We pick people who treat us poorly by being punishing, critical, controlling or demeaning. (Examine your low self-esteem.)
  4. We lose interest in our own personal interests and activities and become enmeshed with the one person and their interests.  (Examine your boundaries.)
  5. We stay in and return to unhealthy relationships. (Examine your fear of loneliness.)
  6. We begin sexual relationships or become emotionally attached without really knowing someone.  (Examine your boundaries.)
  7. We fantasize about who we think someone is and then are crushed when they fall short of that fantasy.  (Examine what is reality vs. fantasy)

Healthy Relationships:

  1. When something is wrong we can talk about it.
  2. We encourage each other to be better people.
  3. Having separate interests and friends isn’t a threat.
  4. We can be vulnerable about feelings with some degree of safety.
  5. We can handle difficult situations as a team.
  6. We both are dedicated to spending quality time with each other.
  7. Trust builds through our growing capacity to be honest with one another.

Remember unhealthy patterns are necessary to learn and grow!

[…]

By | March 6th, 2012|Relationship Advice|4 Comments

Communication Skills in a Relationship – New Approach

Sevin Philips MFT offers communication tools that will give you a new approach to sharing and listening in a relationship.

Tools-

1. Check your assumptions
2. Be curious about experience
3. Ask before giving advice
4. Sharing formula: Describe behavior then feelings
5. Ask before you launch into sharing something important

Communication Skills in a Relationship – New Approach (video transcript)

Hello, my name is Sevin Philips, licensed marriage family therapist. I have some communication skills that are absolutely going to help your relationship. These are tried and true.

The first topic is that many of us get in trouble when we make assumptions about other people’s experience. We have strong feelings. And it’s okay to have strong feelings about what’s going on or some assumptions or intuition. You might even be right, but to make the assumption that you’re right will get you in more trouble than it’s worth.
[…]

By | February 23rd, 2012|Relationship Advice|Comments Off on Communication Skills in a Relationship – New Approach

Communication Skills in a Relationship – Vulnerablility

Advice for Couples Who Are Stuck in Reactionary Fighting

Sevin Philips, MFT, offers tools to create emotional safety, the first step toward being able to have meaningful conversations that lead to true healing.

The ability to communicate difficult feelings is an art. Hard feelings lead people to blame others and to defend or explain their intentions, leaving the one hurt not feeling understood. Sevin Philips, MFT, walks you through communication skills to help you better understand and ultimately work out your issues.
Communication Tool: Listening Exercise

Communication Skills in a Relationship – Vulnerability (transcript)

Hello, this is Sevin Philips, licensed marriage and family therapist. I’m here to talk about another communication skill that will help you become vulnerable with your partner at the root level of healing, especially the big topics in our lives. We need to be able to talk about the hard subjects in a way that is really effective.

One thing that happens is at the root level of almost all fighting – even some of the mundane, small fights that we have – are often linked to deeper issues. Somehow our needs are not being met – whether it’s our need to be loved, our need to be respected, our need to feel connected. Something’s not happening. If we are able to identify it and talk about it with our partners, we’re not going to be able to work it out.
What people usually do is act it out. They act it out by being mean or ornery. Perhaps you shut down and you don’t do anything at all. We all learned a lot of skills when we were growing up that don’t always help us. But this skill today I’m going to teach you is really going to help you as a first step to be able to talk.
[…]

By | February 21st, 2012|Relationship Advice|2 Comments

Communication Skills in a Relationship – Emotional Safety

Advice for couples who are stuck in reactionary fighting. Sevin Philips, MFT offers skills to help create emotional safety, which is the first steps to being able to have meaningful conversations that lead to true healing.

Communication Tool: Time Outs

Communication Skills in a Relationship – Emotional Safety (video transcript)

Hello, my name is Sevin Philips. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist and I’m here to talk about emotional safety in a relationship. Many relationships get stuck in fighting. It’s not uncommon.
But what happens for some is that no matter how hard they try to express themselves, it comes out in a fight. The smallest things can turn into bigger things. You can have this reactionary pattern where defensiveness, blaming, condescending, all these kind of characteristics come alive and you’re no longer having a conversation but you’re really fighting, and you’re hurting each other.
[…]

By | February 20th, 2012|Relationship Advice|Comments Off on Communication Skills in a Relationship – Emotional Safety

Emotional Disconnect in Relationships

Emotional Disconnect in Relationships

Feeling disconnected from the person you love can happen in any long-term relationship. Many people claim to feel more like roommates than lovers or, at best, to feel lonely in the relationship.

Life issues that can get in the way of relationships include:
• Raising children
• Overworking
• Unresolved issues

There is a large spectrum of […]

By | February 19th, 2012|Relationship Advice|Comments Off on Emotional Disconnect in Relationships

Coping with Loneliness After the Loss of a Spouse

coping-with-loneliness-after-the-loss-of-a-spouseAccording to the Holmes & Rahe Stress Scale (2016), the loss (death) of a spouse is the most stressful and painful event that a person experiences.

Truth-be-told, losing someone you love is hard…really hard. And, grieving is one of the hardest, most depressing events that you have to […]

By | October 25th, 2016|Relationship News|Comments Off on Coping with Loneliness After the Loss of a Spouse

Loneliness: The Effects of Being Elderly and Alone

loneliness-the-effects-of-being-elderly-and-aloneAccording to University of California: San Francisco (2016), Forty-three percent of older adults feel lonely, although only 18% actually live alone.

Loneliness is a mixture of emptiness, sadness, and isolation. More specifically, it creeps into your life and causes health issues, psychological distress, and emotional pain. Anyone, of […]

By | October 25th, 2016|Relationship News|Comments Off on Loneliness: The Effects of Being Elderly and Alone

Fun Ways to Boost Your Self-Confidence

Boost Your Self-ConfidenceAccording to the College Foundation of North Carolina (2016), self-confident people are more successful in all areas of their lives. Conversely, the most successful people tend to have the highest levels of self-confidence.

Most people are not born with an abundance of self-confidence…I mean […]

By | March 28th, 2016|Relationship News|Comments Off on Fun Ways to Boost Your Self-Confidence

How to Prevent Technology from Destroying Your Love Life

How to Prevent Technology from Destroying Your Love LifeSixty-six percent of American adults, who are either married or in committed relationships, report that cell phones, the Internet, and/or social media websites play a significant role in their lives (Lenhart & Duggan, 2014).

Are you having a […]

By | March 28th, 2016|Relationship News|Comments Off on How to Prevent Technology from Destroying Your Love Life

How to Successfully Move Past an Old Relationship So You Can Embrace a New One

Successfully Move Past an Old RelationshipMost couples break up between the third and fifth month of their relationships (right when things start to get serious) and 40% of men are nervous about going on a first date with a potential partner due to past experiences […]

By | March 28th, 2016|Relationship News|Comments Off on How to Successfully Move Past an Old Relationship So You Can Embrace a New One

How to Successfully Handle Workplace Cliques

How to Successfully Handle Workplace CliquesApproximately 80% of employees (at all levels) experience or have experienced workplace cliques and 40% of employees feel that their supervisors/managers do not address these cliques and allow them to run rampant (Jagoda, 2013).

Do you remember the cliques that infiltrated […]

By | March 28th, 2016|Relationship News|Comments Off on How to Successfully Handle Workplace Cliques

Finding the Right Life Partner

Finding the Right Life Partner

The person, who is attracted to you because of your pretty face or nice body won’t be beside you forever. But, the person, who can see how beautiful your heart is, will never leave you!

~Anonymous

finding-right-life-partner-therapistOne of the hardest things to do […]

By | February 8th, 2016|Relationship News|Comments Off on Finding the Right Life Partner

How to Have the BEST Sex in Your Committed Relationship

How to Have the BEST Sex in Your Committed Relationship

best-sex-ever-relationshipsSarah Jio, a journalist from Woman Day magazine reports that 48% of Americans (male and female) are highly satisfied with their sex life.
Being in a committed relationship definitely has its perks, but, unfortunately it also has […]

By | February 8th, 2016|Relationship News|Comments Off on How to Have the BEST Sex in Your Committed Relationship

How to Successfully Bond with Your Step Child

How to Successfully Bond with Your Step Child
According to The Step Family Foundation (2016), approximately 50% of children, under the age of 13, live with one biological parent and his or her current partner. 

step-child-bondingIt is not always easy to enter into a relationship with someone, […]

By | February 8th, 2016|Relationship News|Comments Off on How to Successfully Bond with Your Step Child

How to Weed Through the Muck of Relationship Conflicts

How to Weed Through the Muck of Relationship Conflicts

relationship-conflict-therapyAccording to the Couple’s Connection (2016), 51% of couples feel that one of their major relationship conflicts is finances.
There is nothing worse than arguing with the person you love. You’re right, your partner is right, but, regardless […]

By | February 8th, 2016|Relationship News|Comments Off on How to Weed Through the Muck of Relationship Conflicts